I can't believe I actually did it. This morning I allowed myself a liberty I don't usually allow. As Warren was driving away from the house this morning I said (under my breath of course) "you jerk". It didn't feel as good as I thought it would. As a matter of fact I'm feeling rather sick from it. I don't usually allow myself to say things like that because I don't want to start believing them and I'm a firm believer that what you speak you will soon (if you don't already) believe.
Now I want you to know I had already done the right things this morning. I had made Warren his coffee, I had had my quiet time and we had prayed together. Somewhere between there and the kiss at the door things turned for the worse. He said something. I didn't like it. He said what I thought was a heartless apology and then it happened. I pouted. He left. I watched him go and OUT IT CAME.
I regret it now. I mean, who am I to even be thinking of going on the mission field when I can't even control my tongue. When I don't forgive unless it's said in a way I think is worthy. And I'm talking about an incident with my own husband. I'm hopeless.
I'm thankful I don't have to look to myself for righteousness. I fall mighty short. Everyday. Often throughout the day. But instead I am covered over with the robe of righteousness of Jesus Himself. What relief. I'm just a sinner saved by grace.
I'm not sharing this thinking that you're learning that I'm not perfect or that my marriage isn't perfect. If you've been around me for any amount of time you already know that. I'm writing it for myself. To remind me.
I still need to apologize to Warren. It will be heartfelt.
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4 comments:
A good reminder, for all of us! Thank you for being so transparent Mom. That is something about you that I appreciate. Even when we were younger, you would ask us for forgiveness when you felt like you wronged us. Even when it would be so easy for a parent to brush it aside because they are the authority, you were real with us. I love you and am still learning so much for you!
Sheri,
Thanks for sharing. I hate it when silly little things turn into that. JJ and I had a little incident last night that was just that...silly. You want to know what it was over? The fact that he rented the wrong season of "The Office" and I didn't want to skip ahead and miss things.
We started reading a book called "When Sinners Say I Do." It's really good for the reason that it reminds us that we ARE all sinners and as married couples will wrong each other and do stupid and sometimes hurtful things. Not because we don't love each other, but because we're fallen and our relationship cannot be perfect. I sometimes have expectations in marriage that are far too high. Oh, for grace. What would we do?
Anyhow, that was off the subject. I just wanted to say thanks for sharing. I admire you a lot Sheri and look at your marriage to Warren as an example of what I'd like mine to look like in another, say 23 years.
Janine
Mom,
One of the greatest things I have learned from the two of you it is the decision to be happy and do things for the other person that make him/her happy.
I have been there with those moments of telling yourself you will not do something and then allowing yourself to do it. You are right...it is a horrible feeling.
And again I learn from you the key: forgiveness and humility. Once done, not allowing yourself to harbor those thing inside.
I love you!
Hi Sheri, I am glad I figured out how to use this :) I have been thankful for time we spent together the other day. I enjoyed our conversation regarding being a servant vs being a volunteer. It is good that the Lord is teaching us these things. love ya girl and I look forward to being with you again.
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