I can't believe I actually did it. This morning I allowed myself a liberty I don't usually allow. As Warren was driving away from the house this morning I said (under my breath of course) "you jerk". It didn't feel as good as I thought it would. As a matter of fact I'm feeling rather sick from it. I don't usually allow myself to say things like that because I don't want to start believing them and I'm a firm believer that what you speak you will soon (if you don't already) believe.
Now I want you to know I had already done the right things this morning. I had made Warren his coffee, I had had my quiet time and we had prayed together. Somewhere between there and the kiss at the door things turned for the worse. He said something. I didn't like it. He said what I thought was a heartless apology and then it happened. I pouted. He left. I watched him go and OUT IT CAME.
I regret it now. I mean, who am I to even be thinking of going on the mission field when I can't even control my tongue. When I don't forgive unless it's said in a way I think is worthy. And I'm talking about an incident with my own husband. I'm hopeless.
I'm thankful I don't have to look to myself for righteousness. I fall mighty short. Everyday. Often throughout the day. But instead I am covered over with the robe of righteousness of Jesus Himself. What relief. I'm just a sinner saved by grace.
I'm not sharing this thinking that you're learning that I'm not perfect or that my marriage isn't perfect. If you've been around me for any amount of time you already know that. I'm writing it for myself. To remind me.
I still need to apologize to Warren. It will be heartfelt.