I cleaned house today. Believe me it was long overdue. With the whole remodel mess I've used the excuse of "it will just get dirty right away anyway"! It will but we couldn't stand it anymore. I got out my Big Power (which is my vacuum that means serious business, non of this "just go over everything quickly" stuff) and even I couldn't believe the dirt. You see the Big Power is water instead of the bag kind of deal so I could see exactly how much dirt came from this cleaning alone. Let me tell you it was more like mud. My mom would have been appalled! I was taught better than this, I really was.
For the majority of the women I know, we all want to be good mothers. We want to teach our children all the things they need to know for their adult lives. The practical things as well as the spiritual things. Let me make this clear: I had the best, the cream of the crop kind of mother - still do. I thought that as our children grew up that need to be a good mother would fade. It hasn't. If anything it almost gets stronger as our children grow up. We want to stay connected to theirs lives and even become a friend somewhat. We learn to stay involved without crowding them (at least I hope I've learned this),we learn to give advise without telling them what to do (somewhat easier with my married children than with Brett. Sorry Brett.) and, hopefully, we learn how to be there when they need us. It's not always easy but it's rewarding. Although I don't have any of this mastered I think I'm making progress!
And then there's the grandma thing. I don't even want to start on all the dreams and emotions that come along with that!
The thing is, I was thinking about all of this today and suddenly it struck me - I don't know how to do this long distance. What's it going to look like from Brazil? What am I going to do to stay connected and part of their lives? I'm going to miss so much!
I know. Many people do this long distance thing but right now, today, I'm telling God I don't remember signing up for it. I've looked forward to this time in life. A time I can be involved with them without so much of the responsibility. A time to enjoy seeing them parent their own children. A time to see successes in their adult lives. A time to experience their talents and giftings. And a time to see them grow in the Lord.
Oh, don't feel sorry for me. (I'm just being pathetic right now) :) I try not to let myself stay in these places for too long and I'll probably be out of it before you're even reading this. It's just something I'm thinking about today.
Brother, I even feel weepy and I'm not a crier! I hate menopause.