Not That I Know A Thing.....

The following is a response to my sister and brother-in-law who are considering a move
in order to be involved in a ministry they feel God may be calling them too. Having left Corvallis 1 1/2 years ago I realize I am still a newbie at all of the "ministry" stuff. I don't claim to have the answers. This is only my thoughts and revelations since coming to Brazil. I thought I would share with all of you-


When we were about one month out from leaving for Brazil last year,
Kellie asked me what my expectations were.
I, being the wise mother and woman of God that I am (!) replied,

"I don't have any expectations."

I remember her face and her kind answer.
"Mom, you do have expectations. I understand what you are feeling. When we moved to Tennessee I didn't think that I had expectations either
but then as things began to happen, or not happen, as I thought they would
I realized I did have expectations. You DO have expectations."

She was right.

Of course, Warren and I are all for hearing from the Lord and acting on it.
I would never want to discourage anyone from that.
There is great reward in doing what the Lord lays on ones heart to do.

However, the reality is this: It is not easy.

It spurred us on as we were getting ready to leave to know that people were behind us, encouraging us and telling us how wonderful
they thought we were in doing what we were doing. I'm sure we needed that at the time.
I'm also sure that there was pride involved that God would deal with later :).

And then the day came when we had done it.
The business was sold, the house was gone, good byes had been said
and we were sitting thousands of miles away from what we had called home
and there was no one there with us to tell us how "wonderful" we were.
No one else to live this strange life but us. And it didn't (and hasn't) always felt good.

Sometimes I have wanted to quit.
Sometimes I have thought people owed me more, God owed me more,
because of what we had given up. (just being honest here).

Let me warn you that being in the ministry makes you more susceptible to being hurt.
I know this because ministry IS people.
We sin.
We say things we shouldn't. We do things we shouldn't.
We leave things unsaid that we should say and leave things undone that we should do.
We don't live up to others expectations. We don't live up to our own

I think the biggest expectation that I had, and didn't realize that I had,
was that I would suddenly be more spiritual.
A better Christian. More in love with God.

I wasn't.

It took me a little while to admit that to myself.
I was the same person with the same faults and failures. The same tendencies to sin.
I make mistakes and they are now even more noticeable because I am "in ministry"
and I'm not "suppose" to fail or sin. I am not "suppose" to let others down.
And there will be criticism. From others but even more so from yourself.

I guess I say all of this not so much to discourage you from ministry
but rather to encourage you to be honest with yourselves.
Be sure it is the Lord and not some notion that life will be greater, easier by doing it.

Serving, truly serving, is giving up your life to people that may treat you as servants.
They won't always appreciate you. Some of them may not even like you.

Ministry is learning what it really means to trust the Lord for financial provision
while all the while learning that what we think we need
is not always what God thinks we need.

Ministry is filled with many ordinary days.
Lots of days of ordinary things that don't make for good stories to tell those back home.
Days that make you wonder what your purpose is - why you left it all.

And the life you use to have, the one you left behind, it goes on without you.
As it should. You wouldn't want it any other way. And yet - it's hard.
It's hard to feel you no longer belong.

Before I have you believing that we regret our decision or that our lives have been
full of difficulties and hardships
let me assure you that is not the case.

We have met amazing people.
We have made some wonderful friends.
People we love so much. People that have shown so much love to us.

We have had opportunities to do and see things that we would have never imagined.

We have experienced God working through us
when we had neither the strength or the abilities needed.

We have seen God provide financially through miracles.

We believe we are living God's best for us right now and we wouldn't trade it.

There has been such joy.

To stay or go?

The answer, and the joy, lies in obedience.

Either way.