Blinded

Sept. 3, 1999

Nine years ago today I became a mother-in-law.

I remember vividly Kellie coming down the isle on Warren's arm. She glowed! Our little girl had grown up. Our relationship was about to change. Not in a bad way, just in a different way.



When Kellie was little, Warren and I had prayed many (many, many) times for a God-loving man to be her husband. One that would love her with a love beyond that which we have loved her. One that would take the responsibility of spiritual leadership as God intended. A humble but mighty man. Kind. Compassionate. And one that wouldn't mind this family too much! I always tend to ask too little of God! And, once again, God did so much more than what we had even thought of!!!!

Jason, we love you. We are so glad you are a part of our family. Thank you for letting God use you to answer our prayers.

Happy anniversary you two.

And after nine years we're still blinded by the glow!

Three is a very good Number

September 2

Happy Birthday, Max!

I'm captivated by you.

Love, Grandma

An Old Prayer Made New

As of this past June 4th I am no longer a mother (nor will I be again) of a teenager. I, for one, loved the teen years but than I'm a weird bird! Sure, it has it's hard times. The emotions, the spreading ones wings, the things they do that we as parents don't really want to know about until they are grown, out of the house without the consequences type of things (and even then it scares us!). Yes, we had our rough times but all in all it was good times.

During those times in my children's lives I remember trying to warn them to be careful as they made choices. That the scary thing about the wrong choices, at this point in their lives, was that they don't know if the decision would have live changing consequences or temporary discipline or, even better, if they would completely get away with it. I knew my kids would make some mistakes but I prayed hard that they wouldn't be those live changing, hard to live with kinds. God showed them mercy.

In total foolishness, at that time, I really believed it was a prayer for their youth. Today as Warren and I are praying about the decisions looming in our life it all of a sudden struck me that we are in that same position now - in our 50's !

We're so praying for wisdom. That we won't go ahead of God or do anything because it seems right or makes sense (Or worse yet, simply because we want too) . Sometimes God's answers are so in our face and sometimes not-so-much.

We're also waiting on someone else this weekend, a man that loves and seeks the Lord, as he makes a decision that affects our lives. We just so want it to be the Lord's answer. The best for us all because God doesn't do the best for one at a detriment to another. It could be life changing or not. Please pray with us.

And by the way, I'm back to praying this prayer for my kids. Everyone of them.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, as we wait upon the Lord.

Sing for Me

Yesterday I was in the kitchen getting ready for lunch when I heard it and it brought me to a complete stop. Leeland was singing "Carried to the Table". I love that song but that's not why it grabbed my attention. You see, when Kellie was home last month she told me she had gotten the cords and would sing it for me because she knew I liked it so much. I don't know why but we didn't do it right then. At one point (as I was getting another meal ready) I heard Brett in the background singing it. He had found the sheet of music that Kellie had brought and was using it. Kellie made a comment about not wanting to sing it now because she could never do it as well as Brett and that's the last it was mentioned. I don't even remember what my response to her was.

Anyway, hearing the song yesterday, all of that came to my mind in slow motion. If I could only rewind that time I would give my full attention to her. I wish I could hear her sing it now. I miss her so much.


Do you do that? Let a magic moment slip by and realize later that you missed it. It could have been great but you didn't take the time to enjoy what was right in front of you? Have you let a gift that was going to be given to you be taken back because you were too distracted by life and it's busyness that you forgot that life was in that very moment?

I know that I've done this before with other people and have missed many a great blessing. It doesn't have to be this way but so often I am so busy with the next thing that I miss the now.

Kellie, I know you will say it doesn't matter but I want you to know it does matter - to me. I regret it. I wish I could have a do-over.

It would have been so sweet....

My Neighbors

I didn't go through the drive in for fast food on the way home like I sometimes do. My favorite coffee drink didn't even sound good. I decided I wouldn't even stop at TJ Maxx or Ross just to see what they have because, after all, I didn't really need anything. I did my grocery shopping and was much more aware of how much packaged, expensive, food I put in my cart. I even put some back. I had a few extra things on my list to get that I would drop off at the church for those without. It really didn't help my aching heart that much.

You see, today I learned that my neighbors are starving. (click here)

I don't know what this means for me. I'm sifting through my thoughts and praying for wisdom. I want to hear God's instruction and yet I must confess I feel a lot like the rich young ruler who was told to sell everything and give it to the poor. Luke 18: 18-24. I like my things. I like that my life is comfortable and that I have choices in what I have, do and buy. I like that I can put my tithe in the offering plate and forget about it.

But today, right now, I'm afraid that God is asking for more than that. I don't know if I can't hear or if I don't want to. Am I too saturated with the world around me that I can't feel God's heart for me? My flesh says to hang on. My spirit says to let go. I'm not sure how.

I do know this: I don't want to walk away sorrowful.

" Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?" He said to him "what is written in the law? What is your reading of it?" So he answered and said, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength,and with all you mind and your neighbor as yourself. And He said to him, " you have answered rightly. Do this and you shall live." But he, wanting to justify himself, said to Jesus, "and who is my neighbor?" Luke 10:25-29

Black and White

I found out some rather disturbing news about one of my closest friends last week and I can't get it out of my mind. Now I didn't learn it directly from the person but I do think it was reliable. (coming straight from her daughter)

Okay, I've got to explain. About 12 years ago my sister (she hates it when I always say "older sister" so I won't) and I were working on a project together at one of our houses. Now we really get into our work and by that I mean we get dirty. But have no fear, we have clothes for that. Oh yes, I mean special clothes for those especially dirty jobs like gardening, painting, cleaning, etc. Now those clothes, although perfect for the job, are not meant to be seen by anyone other than close family members. Why? you ask. Because we are not white short people.

It was on that day, 12 years ago, that we both realized that we had white short neighbors.They are those people that can put on a pair of white shorts and work out in the garden all day pulling weeds, planting flowers, mowing the lawn, etc and at the end of the day they still look clean and fresh. They actually sit down to a BBQ that evening (on the very clean patio of course) with china, cloth napkins and music in the background. They are the kind that can receive surprise drop- in guests at any time though out the day because they look great with their hair pulled up on their head and no makeup (or else their makeup is perfectly done because, of course, they haven't sweat it off - they don't sweat which means they smell good too!) It all looked so easy, so wonderful. Joni and I? Well, let's just say we don't own any white shorts.

So to get back to my friend and the disturbing news. NO, she doesn't wear white shorts to garden. It's much worse. Her daughter told me she wears a special (are you ready for this?!) dress!!! I have never.... I knew she was one classy dame but come on - this is way out of my league....a dress to garden? How does one do that?...!

I'd like to say that I'll be shopping for white shorts but I don't do shorts.

I'll just look over the fence and envy my neighbor.


***this is no way a slam on my friend. I'm sure she looks as cute as can be in her gardening dress. Joni and I both realize that the whole concept comes from nothing more than envy, pure and simple.

Liberty - not always a blessing

I can't believe I actually did it. This morning I allowed myself a liberty I don't usually allow. As Warren was driving away from the house this morning I said (under my breath of course) "you jerk". It didn't feel as good as I thought it would. As a matter of fact I'm feeling rather sick from it. I don't usually allow myself to say things like that because I don't want to start believing them and I'm a firm believer that what you speak you will soon (if you don't already) believe.

Now I want you to know I had already done the right things this morning. I had made Warren his coffee, I had had my quiet time and we had prayed together. Somewhere between there and the kiss at the door things turned for the worse. He said something. I didn't like it. He said what I thought was a heartless apology and then it happened. I pouted. He left. I watched him go and OUT IT CAME.

I regret it now. I mean, who am I to even be thinking of going on the mission field when I can't even control my tongue. When I don't forgive unless it's said in a way I think is worthy. And I'm talking about an incident with my own husband. I'm hopeless.

I'm thankful I don't have to look to myself for righteousness. I fall mighty short. Everyday. Often throughout the day. But instead I am covered over with the robe of righteousness of Jesus Himself. What relief. I'm just a sinner saved by grace.

I'm not sharing this thinking that you're learning that I'm not perfect or that my marriage isn't perfect. If you've been around me for any amount of time you already know that. I'm writing it for myself. To remind me.

I still need to apologize to Warren. It will be heartfelt.

Many days ago...

TODAY IS OUR 30TH ANNIVERSARY!!!

I've worked on a post for days about this and have ended up deleting them all. How do you, in one post, tell a person how much these last 30 years have meant to you and convey to others the depths of feelings that come from loving another for so many years? I couldn't.

So Warren, in this very feeble attempt, I want you to know you're the very best part of me. I am no longer that young woman that had such unrealistic dreams of marriage and romance. I am seasoned. And I am still very much in love with you. You have made my life complete and wonderful. Thank you.

To all of you others - I wish you the same.

I am a very rich girl.


I know, this would have been the perfect time to have a wedding picture of us. I have been trying the whole picture thing and (as I have come to expect when it comes to computer) I can't get the thing to work. Besides you would just laugh....and it would be funny! Use your imagination.

Thoughts for today...

I cleaned house today. Believe me it was long overdue. With the whole remodel mess I've used the excuse of "it will just get dirty right away anyway"! It will but we couldn't stand it anymore. I got out my Big Power (which is my vacuum that means serious business, non of this "just go over everything quickly" stuff) and even I couldn't believe the dirt. You see the Big Power is water instead of the bag kind of deal so I could see exactly how much dirt came from this cleaning alone. Let me tell you it was more like mud. My mom would have been appalled! I was taught better than this, I really was.

For the majority of the women I know, we all want to be good mothers. We want to teach our children all the things they need to know for their adult lives. The practical things as well as the spiritual things. Let me make this clear: I had the best, the cream of the crop kind of mother - still do. I thought that as our children grew up that need to be a good mother would fade. It hasn't. If anything it almost gets stronger as our children grow up. We want to stay connected to theirs lives and even become a friend somewhat. We learn to stay involved without crowding them (at least I hope I've learned this),we learn to give advise without telling them what to do (somewhat easier with my married children than with Brett. Sorry Brett.) and, hopefully, we learn how to be there when they need us. It's not always easy but it's rewarding. Although I don't have any of this mastered I think I'm making progress!

And then there's the grandma thing. I don't even want to start on all the dreams and emotions that come along with that!

The thing is, I was thinking about all of this today and suddenly it struck me - I don't know how to do this long distance. What's it going to look like from Brazil? What am I going to do to stay connected and part of their lives? I'm going to miss so much!

I know. Many people do this long distance thing but right now, today, I'm telling God I don't remember signing up for it. I've looked forward to this time in life. A time I can be involved with them without so much of the responsibility. A time to enjoy seeing them parent their own children. A time to see successes in their adult lives. A time to experience their talents and giftings. And a time to see them grow in the Lord.

Oh, don't feel sorry for me. (I'm just being pathetic right now) :) I try not to let myself stay in these places for too long and I'll probably be out of it before you're even reading this. It's just something I'm thinking about today.

Brother, I even feel weepy and I'm not a crier! I hate menopause.

You want pictures?

A long time ago I decide it's a lot better to laugh at myself than to cry. I'm rather a slow learner. Those things that come so easily to some are more of a trial to me. That's really why it took me so long to start a blog. How to begin was too overwhelming. So when Kellie was here she was kind enough to get me started. She's patient. Alright, this is fun! Oh no.... why is the size of my letters changing on me and why can't I correct them? what does " lol" mean anyway? Pictures. You want pictures?!
Okay, so tonight my other very patient daughter came over. Jodi was willing to show me why my letters were not the size I thought they should be and how to correct it. She also showed me how to do pictures and linking! WOW! Now if I can just remember how to do it. She said that I can call her though. Have your phone ready, Jodi!

Kellie also told me that "lol" means laugh out loud. I like that. I'm laughing- at myself.

*by the way, this is the picture Jodi helped me load. It's our sweet little Noah. I've been wanting to show him to you, I just didn't know how. Later I will do a whole blog about him. Until then - enjoy!